parenting

Follow me beyond the double arches, beyond the glass doors, beyond the Playland and the soda fountain. Follow me far and follow me further, past the ATM machine, past the bucket, mop and Slippery When Wet sign. Follow me to the farthest reaches of a fast food restaurant and pass into another world. Pass into:

The men's bathroom.

Now remember, you're not just following me. You're following me, Smiley, and Smartypants. And we're running. But why are we running? Is that your question? The answer is simple. Smartypants has to go potty, and the countdown has begun.

The bathroom door

A few days ago, Smartypants was leisurely getting ready for school. As departure time approached, I realized she'd been going to the bathroom -- as far as I could reckon -- a LONG time.

I knocked on the bathroom door.  "Everything okay in there?"

No answer.

"Everything okay in there?"

After more silence, I opened the door.  Smartypants looked up at me and said, "I can't reach the toilet paper."

The irony of her statement cannot be fully appreciated here. What you can't see but must imagine is an entire roll of toilet paper (some 600 double-ply sheets) wrapped around

The first rattle of a guitar string vibrated through the air, and soon the strumming rhythms had my daughter and I tapping our feet and hopping across the family room.  At age four, my little Smartypants hasn't quite mastered ballroom dancing (she probably can’t demonstrate a decent Macarena either, but who can?).  Her coordination fits the description of ‘goofy and awkward’, but she loves music, and when the radio plays she's smart enough to grab hold of her daddy's sentimental heart every chance she gets.

So there we were, dancing through the room, smiling and laughing, when she stopped.

Smartypants and I  are currently reading a big girl book (i.e. a novel, with few pictures) for the first time.  I'll write more about this in a later post.  But one of the book's central storylines involves a tiny mouse who falls in love with a human princess.  Now, Smartypants finds this notion of love fascinating, and when she gets a new idea in her head it quickly becomes an obsession.

Thus, her Barbie dolls are suddenly falling in love with each other.  As are her stuffed animals.  I could be mistaken, but I think My Little Pony is

There's a mysterious place we seldom visit, a land of enchantment and torture, a world known -- quite simply -- as the Land of Three. At once both quiet and loud, it is also a mixture of joy and sorrow, euphoria and guilt, happiness and pain. Thankfully, it's a difficult place to find, and once you arrive you're never certain what to think.

My most recent visit came yesterday. I had no idea I'd be traveling, and so when the opportunity arose I questioned why. This is how it happened:

Smartypants refused to go to the bathroom. We were seated